If you are married in a Christian ceremony or of the faith, one scripture you might hear is Ephesians 5:31. It reads “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” This means that you and your spouse are a united front and operate on the same accord.
A huge challenge some married couples face is being married but living as single individuals. Your spouse is not your roommate! You could be setting your marriage up for failure if you have a roommate mentality towards your spouse. Examples of this include maintaining separate finances, poor communication, and different lifestyles. As a roommate, you don't discuss personal finances, and when the bills are due you are in agreement of who pays what. As a roommate, you are not obligated to communicate with your housemate about your comings or goings. Instead, the priority is being able to share hostile free living quarters. As a roommate, your agenda does not have to consistently or ever align with that of your housemate.
When I hear people say “Marriage is 50/50; I do this and my mate does that. I keep this and my spouse keeps that,” I cringe! Why would you commit your life to your mate but only give 50% or withhold anything, including finances? 50/50 shouldn’t be a part of a healthy, trusting marriage. The union of marriage shouldn’t be two people putting in half of anything, including finances or effort, and hoping for the best. Marriage should be two people coming together with all they have to offer for the best outcome.
Here are three things that have helped my husband and I avoid the roommate mentality:
You don’t win in anything, including in marriage by putting forth half the effort. Any athlete that has competed and won a race will tell you that in order to be victorious, they practiced diligently and on race day they ran with all their might and effort. When you enter a marriage with a 50/50 mindset you are inviting feelings of mistrust, lack of accountability, and resentment. As a married couple, the goal should be to put everything you have to offer on the table and work together to live a productive and balanced life. This includes finances, parenting, and household duties. 50/50 should only apply to roommates and not married soul mates.