Why is it that as soon as you get married people immediately start to ask, “So when are you having kids!?” I mean honestly, the ink on the marriage licenses hasn’t dried, your honeymoon isn’t over yet, and you haven’t even opened your wedding gifts! It’s as if it’s some unwritten rule of expectancy that as soon as you say I do, a junior should make its arrival in the world nine months later.
I can speak about this from personal experience. My husband and I were bombarded with questions about starting a family for two years after we were married. We started a family when the time was right for us, not based on other’s expectations. The “right time” can be different for different people and for different reasons. Until then, it doesn’t necessarily mean the family is incomplete without children.
Should etiquette be considered when you’re speaking with a married couple without children? For example, is it polite to ask why or when children will be considered?
I would say it depends on the type of personal relationship you have with the couple, how they bring up the topic and how they lead the conversation (emphasis on allowing THEM to bring up the topic and conversation). If they don’t bring it up, it’s best if you don’t either.
Be mindful in such discussion; there could be information you’re not privy too. Sometimes there are factors beyond a couple's’ control regarding conceiving and it can be hurtful and painful to rehash or speak about publicly. Also, some couples decide that they rather have fur- babies than those that talk and spit up. Constantly asking when they are having kids can be offensive and distasteful. Again, just because a couple doesn’t have children doesn’t mean their family is incomplete.
My husband and I wanted to take some time to smell the roses before we smelled the poop. It was a priority for us to take some time to enjoy each other, travel, and build a world together before we had children who would become the best part of that world. That approach worked well for us, but every couple has a different story. It’s important to consider that not every couple wants or can have their baby carriage right after marriage, so forget the playground song and consider their feelings over your own excitement the next time you’re speaking to newlyweds. And again remember, if they don’t bring it up, it’s best if you don’t bring it up either.